26 Saturday 07/2008 12:45pm
hi diary, long time no see...
yeah i have messed up with all my pen friends and i donno why varsha never replies me back nowadays... she might have got busy with studies... that's all right..
diary, i would have not written to u now also but coz i was in a gr8 stress that since two weeks i started reckoning my old memories and my fail love... according to me i cant call it a fail love coz, i love debraj so much that no one will love him like that... its not a problem to me but still sometimes it stresses and troubles me that i have never and will never ever tell him about my love and the circumstance will not allow me to do that... i saw debraj passing in front of me just two weeks ago... he just even didn't recognized me... and all these triggers and say to my mind that he is just not for me... today, evening my parents went off to drop my aunt in her home and i was free in home for a while... at that time, i just then cried out all my stress and just spoke out my problems alone to myself... maybe and so i hope that god will at least listen to me...
my Friends are really lucky and they always have chances to hangout with their bf and do stuffs like dating and all that... but i.... i just pray and beg god that i always see and be nearer to him to see him happy at least from a far distance.... i just need only a look of happiness in his face to satisfy all my stress.... that's more than enough for me....
uhmmhhh.... i know it will never happen as my future is in the hands of fate, luck and circumstance which do at least something to other and nothing to me... i am not so optimist and i know that its not use to be an optimist....
but i just hope that god will listen to me one day...
signing off for now, nimsha...